Match Report

	(2) 4	-	(4) 9
Real Cronik				Eagles United F.C
Division Pos:14				Division Pos:16

Goal Scorers
Alf Abet 18 (pen) Xavier Breath 36 Al Nino 51, 68		Bill Ding 5 (pen), 90 (pen) Chad Terbocks 13, 36, 45, 60 Eileen Dover 53 Adam Bomb 68 Hayden Seek 75

Match Statistics

4 1 3 1 1	Formation	4 5 1 Attacking
45	Possession	55
10	Shots	9
6	Fouls	11
2	Yellow Cards	1
0	Red Cards	0
3	Offsides	2
Continental	Style	Passing
Counter Attack	Instruction	Defensive
Pansy	Aggression	Pansy
Blades	Boots	Studded

Player Ratings

1	A.Abet		74
2	R.Cranium		63
3	D.Geruss	(62)	64
4	E.Dover	(48)	67
5	K.Opener		67
6	U.Daway		58
7	L.Briccant		44
8	W.Piece		51
9	X.Breath		46
10	A.Nino		43
11	L.Nover		0
12	E.Roids		0
13	V.Veeta		0
14	H.Annsaw		0
15	B.Early		0
16	W.Dipoo		0

1	B.Ding		83
2	H.Seek		80
3	A.Rudder		77
4	W.Piece		44
5	D.Lesgettham		46
6	E.Dover	(48)	64
7	B.Nessround		79
8	A.Bomb		54
9	W.Melon		48
10	S.Cola		46
11	C.Terbocks		87
12	A.Structible		0
13	A.Bomb		0
14	R.Ingleaves		0
15	O.Whackew		0
16	C.Mass		0


Time	Person	Description
5 mins	Bill Ding	after ref awarded a penalty
13 mins	Chad Terbocks	after a pigeon distracted the keeper
18 mins	Alf Abet	after ref awarded a penalty
29 mins	Bill Ding	blasted a penalty into row z
36 mins	Xavier Breath	with a dink right under the goalkeeper's nose
36 mins	Chad Terbocks	with a strike from the left wing
45 mins	Chad Terbocks	with a subtle shot from just inside the penalty area
48 mins	Eileen Dover	Head butting
48 mins	Eileen Dover	Head butting
51 mins	Al Nino	with the bumcheek of God
53 mins	Eileen Dover	from a goal kick
60 mins	Chad Terbocks	after a dog ran on pitch and put the ball into the net
62 mins	Dan Geruss	Indecent exposure
68 mins	Al Nino	with a great volley from 10 yards out
68 mins	Adam Bomb	with a stunning effort that went in off the post
75 mins	Hayden Seek	with the bumcheek of God
82 mins	Bill Ding	blasted a penalty into row z
90 mins	Bill Ding	after ref awarded a penalty

Match Report

Real Cronik were outplayed for large swathes of the match. When they weren't they didn't know what to do with themselves. The result was a resounding 9 - 4 defeat.
If this is how master tactician Alban Bicaku plays a game of football, we wouldn't want to be playing him at chess!
Otto Whackew missed the Eagles United F.C game claiming it was his time of the month and he had terrible period pains.
The only hope Real Cronik have of turning goalie Alf Abet into a decent keeper is to feed him pies non-stop and hope he puts on enough weight to wedge himself between the posts.
Eagles United F.C's midfield marvels deserved the credit after putting in more crosses than a year's worth of Pools Coupons.
Eileen Dover and Eileen Dover both found themselves in Simon Pieman's book after headbutting each other like rutting stags.
The animals went into the ark two by two for a very good reason, if there's an explanation why Real Cronik go out in 4 1 3 1 1 formation we're still looking for it.
Real Cronik manager Ed Coppen told irate fans: "If it wasn't for their goals, Eagles United F.C wouldn't have won."
For all the use they were, Real Cronik might as well have played in wedding dresses. Isle bet they wouldn't have been any worse if they had.

Extra Information

Referee

Weather

Pitch

Simon Pieman

Hot

Hard Pitch