Match Report

	(0) 0	-	(8) 18
Tanqueray Twenty				M.I.A
Division Pos:13				Division Pos:1

Goal Scorers
		Bukayo Saka 5 Martin Odegaard 10 The Empath 15 (og) Leandro Trossard 18, 38, 61, 80 Cole Palmer 23 (pen), 42 (pen), 47 (pen), 57 (pen), 66, 71, 76 (pen) Leon Bailey 33, 89 Kaoru Mitoma 52 Gabriel Jesus 84

Match Statistics

4 5 1	Formation	2 5 3
31	Possession	69
8	Shots	20
13	Fouls	7
2	Yellow Cards	3
1	Red Cards	0
5	Offsides	9
Passing	Style	Longball
Attacking	Instruction	Attacking
Normal	Aggression	Normal
Moulded	Boots	Studded

Player Ratings

1	T.Troubadour		48
2	T.Pacifist*		48
3	T.Empath		64
4	T.Optimist	(1)	63
5	T.Devils Advocate	(52,77)	48
6	T.Baller		0
7	T.Otaku	(1)	49
8	T.Jester	(26)	46
9	T.Wordsmith		48
10	T.Backpacker		0
11	T.Martial Artist	(1)	45
12	T.Cellarhand		0
13	T.Pool Shark*	(1)	64
14	T.Sommellier*		0
15	T.Social Butterfly	(1)	48
16	T.Stoic*	(1)	42

1	B.Leno		87
2	K.Trippier		89
3	B.Fernandes	(1)	45
4	B.Saka		88
5	L.Bailey		88
6	M.Odegaard	(41)	88
7	C.Palmer		94
8	J.Maddison	(1)	63
9	M.Salah	(41)	86
10	J.Alvarez	(1)	45
11	L.Trossard		93
12	P.Cech		0
13	R.James		0
14	A.Davies	(1)	87
15	K.Mitoma	(1)	88
16	G.Jesus	(1) (81)	89


Time	Person	Description
5 mins	Bukayo Saka	with a thunderous shot from distance
10 mins	Martin Odegaard	with the bumcheek of God
15 mins	M.I.A	changed from Attacking to Counter Attack
15 mins	The Empath	after a shot took a cruel deflection off him
18 mins	Leandro Trossard	after a pigeon distracted the keeper
23 mins	Cole Palmer	after ref awarded a penalty
26 mins	The Jester	Obstruction
33 mins	Leon Bailey	after the referee over-ruled the linesman when blatantly 30 yards offside
38 mins	Leandro Trossard	with a lovely move from the right wing
41 mins	Martin Odegaard	Stealing
41 mins	Mohammed Salah	Stealing
41 mins	The Social Butterfly	A mild concussion
42 mins	Cole Palmer	after ref awarded a penalty
47 mins	Cole Palmer	after ref awarded a penalty
52 mins	The Devils Advocate	Head butting
52 mins	Kaoru Mitoma	with a spectacular bicycle kick
57 mins	Cole Palmer	after ref awarded a penalty
61 mins	Leandro Trossard	with a unstoppable effort from 20 yards out
66 mins	Cole Palmer	after a dog ran on pitch and put the ball into the net
71 mins	Cole Palmer	with a shot which ricocheted in off the crossbar
75 mins	M.I.A	changed from Counter Attack to Attacking
76 mins	Cole Palmer	after ref awarded a penalty
77 mins	The Devils Advocate	Faking injury
80 mins	Leandro Trossard	with a wonderful chip from 30 yards out
81 mins	Gabriel Jesus	Interfering with an opponent
84 mins	Gabriel Jesus	after he beat the offside trap and went one-on-one with the keeper
89 mins	Leon Bailey	from the dressing room

Match Report

Not even Michael Owen would bet against Tanqueray Twenty getting relegated after this pitiful 18 - 0 defeat.
David Walker needs his mind jogging. He needs to remember that's what his team should be doing. Jogging. He gives no attention to his increasingly chubby squad's training needs.
To win games you need to win the ball. Tanqueray Twenty don't even know what a ball looks like.
Golden rules: always make sure you are facing the opposition goal. Always make sure the goalie you are heading for doesn't look like the guy who gives you a lift home after games. Unlike The Empath do not put the ball into your own net. It's not big. It's not clever.
Crop circle investigators don't get too excited, it's just M.I.A's forwards. They ran rings around Tanqueray Twenty's defence.
2 M.I.A players were booked after Terence Trendy discovered they'd stolen the oppositions half time oranges.
Tanqueray Twenty look about as convinving playing in the 4 5 1 formation as they would if boss David Walker sent them out in dresses.
"He's one of those managers that anyone would give their left leg to play for," enthused striker Julian Alvarez of his boss Mark Walpole following his sides win.
So near yet so far. All Tanqueray Twenty had to do to secure a draw was score a mere 18 times. Not too much to ask.

Extra Information

Referee

Weather

Pitch

Terence Trendy

Snowy

Muddy Pitch