Match Report

	(8) 16	-	(0) 0
HandyMan United				Fat Bastards FC
Division Pos:7				Division Pos:16

Goal Scorers
Manuel Labour 5, 16, 27 Roman Arch 10, 32, 88 Andy Mann 21, 82 Stanley Knife 38 Emery Paper 43, 49, 66 (pen) Dec Board 54, 77 Slater Roof 60 Dutch Bond 72

Match Statistics

3 5 2	Formation	Diamond
68	Possession	32
19	Shots	9
4	Fouls	7
1	Yellow Cards	1
0	Red Cards	0
4	Offsides	2
Passing	Style	Use Wings
Counter Attack	Instruction	Attacking
Pansy	Aggression	Pansy
Moulded	Boots	Moulded

Player Ratings

1	D.Pipes		88
2	D.Bond		90
3	T.Screw		90
4	A.Grease		90
5	M.Labour	(73)	91
6	A.Mann		89
7	C.Crete		90
8	S.Roof		90
9	D.Board		90
10	R.Arch		90
11	E.Paper		90
12	B.Ding		0
13	W.Feature		0
14	H.Saw		0
15	T.Kitchen		0
16	F.Spread		0

1	A.Hassle		78
2	S.Urai		75
3	H.First		74
4	A.Choke		74
5	B.Arrow		74
6	B.Dover		84
7	P.Zaria		82
8	A.Gator	(64)	71
9	T.Burr		63
10	A.Birthday		78
11	M.Absent		73
12	B.Free		0
13	H.Seek		0
14	T.Vision		0
15	D.Lesgettham		0
16	J.Credible		0


Time	Person	Description
5 mins	Manuel Labour	from a goal kick
10 mins	Roman Arch	with a great volley from 10 yards out
16 mins	Manuel Labour	after a dog ran on pitch and put the ball into the net
21 mins	Andy Mann	with a unstoppable effort from 20 yards out
27 mins	Manuel Labour	with a powerful header into the top corner
32 mins	Roman Arch	after the referee over-ruled the linesman when blatantly 30 yards offside
38 mins	Stanley Knife	with a cheeky dink through the keeper's legs
43 mins	Emery Paper	after he sprung the offside trap leaving just the keeper to beat
49 mins	Emery Paper	with a spectacular bicycle kick
54 mins	Dec Board	with a lovely move from the right wing
60 mins	Slater Roof	with a subtle shot from just inside the penalty area
64 mins	Ali Gator	Unsporting behaviour
66 mins	Emery Paper	after ref awarded a penalty
72 mins	Dutch Bond	with pin-point accuracy into the far corner
73 mins	Manuel Labour	Two-footed tackle
77 mins	Dec Board	after he went through a non-existent gap leaving him with a clear shot
82 mins	Andy Mann	with a shot which ricocheted in off the crossbar
88 mins	Roman Arch	with a brave flying header

Match Report

Not so much a competitive game of football as a 90-minute target practise session for HandyMan United who battered the Fat Bastards FC goal finding the target more often than not for a 16 - 0 rout.
HandyMan United manager Sir Kit_Breaker pulled off something magic this week. He could be looking at a job offer from Hogwarts.
The ball was at the feet of the HandyMan United players so often you wouldn't have been wrong calling them greedy.
After scoring twice, the HandyMan United crowd urged Roman Arch onto his hat trick which duly came with a brave flying header.
Applause rang out for their forwards, HandyMan United have more attacking options than a mugger with a Swiss Army knife.
A desperate tackle in the box by Fat Bastards FC's Hugo First saw Emery Paper convert the resulting penalty for HandyMan United.
"We were absolutely terrible," huffed Fat Bastards FC manager the gaffer after his team's defeat. "We didn't look capable of passing wind out there."
So what are Fat Bastards FC made of? It's hard to tell. They kind of look like footballers, maybe the only thing that's missing is a spine.

Extra Information

Referee

Weather

Pitch

Terrence Frisk

Rainy

Soft Pitch