Match Report

	(2) 4	-	(5) 11
Birdys Superstars				CLASSIC XI
Division Pos:1				Division Pos:14

Goal Scorers
Lou Briccant 20, 40 Joe Czarfunee 58 Wayne Deer 79		Alec Tricity 6, 58 Hugh Mungous 14 Samson Night 20, 29, 43, 74 Ed Ible 51, 67, 90 Al Kaseltzer 82

Match Statistics

5 2 3	Formation	5 2 3 Attacking
30	Possession	70
5	Shots	21
13	Fouls	5
0	Yellow Cards	1
0	Red Cards	0
1	Offsides	5
Passing	Style	Continental
Defensive	Instruction	Attacking
Pansy	Aggression	Pansy
Studded	Boots	Studded

Player Ratings

1	V.Lay	78
2	D.Buratto	73
3	D.Lesgettham	74
4	D.Lect	75
5	L.Briccant	82
6	A.Nino	55
7	J.Strap	77
8	W.Deer	77
9	J.Czarfunee	88
10	A.Hugnkiss	57
11	U.Daway	51
12	K.Cook	0
13	H.Fire	0
14	L.Nover	0
15	R.Kleiner	0
16	B.Nessround	0

1	T.Burr		76
2	W.Melon		76
3	A.Kaseltzer	(90)	85
4	A.Kaseltzer		81
5	A.Kaseltzer		84
6	H.deMann		78
7	A.Tricity		81
8	O.Whackew		80
9	S.Night		91
10	E.Ible		90
11	H.Mungous		83
12	W.Bago		0
13	D.Lesgettham		0
14	M.Rohsopht		0
15	H.deMann		0
16	H.First		0


Time	Person	Description
6 mins	Alec Tricity	with a great chip from the left wing
14 mins	Hugh Mungous	with a great chip from the left wing
20 mins	Lou Briccant	with a spectacular bicycle kick
20 mins	Samson Night	with the bumcheek of God
29 mins	Samson Night	with a thunderous shot from distance
36 mins	Tim Burr	scuffed a penalty
40 mins	Lou Briccant	with a lucky rebound off the keeper
43 mins	Samson Night	with a header from the penalty area
51 mins	Ed Ible	after he beat the offside trap and went one-on-one with the keeper
58 mins	Joe Czarfunee	with a rocket from outside the penalty area
58 mins	Alec Tricity	with a great chip from the left wing
67 mins	Ed Ible	after a pigeon distracted the keeper
74 mins	Samson Night	with a lucky shot that just sneaked inside the post
79 mins	Wayne Deer	with a cheeky dink through the keeper's legs
82 mins	Al Kaseltzer	with a powerful header into the top corner
90 mins	Al Kaseltzer	Being drunk
90 mins	Ed Ible	after the referee over-ruled the linesman when blatantly 30 yards offside

Match Report

It became clear early on that CLASSIC XI shouldn't even be on the same pitch as Birdys Superstars. The 11 - 4 scoreline suggests they weren't actually on the same pitch.
You could give CLASSIC XI's defence bearskin hats and stand them in a box outside Buckingham Palace. On current form they'd defend anything.
If you had 11 headless chickens running round a field for 90 minutes, the chances are at least one of them would run into the ball at some point. Birdys Superstars weren't even that lucky.
Birdys Superstars could save themselves some money next season by not bothering with a goalkeeper. They'd save a fortune on pies alone.
Birdys Superstars's midfield needs attention. They were making less successful passes than a flatulent, acne ridden geek with halitosis at a school disco.
Like getting your plumber to do the gardening, CLASSIC XI's luca Antony is wasting a lot of potential by insisting on a 5 2 3 Attacking formation.
"What we saw out there today," explained manager Dan Bird, "was a continuance of what we have seen most of the season - that is, various clubs beating each other."
Even if this was a game of rugby, Birdys Superstars wouldn't have been able to compete due to their lack of trying.

Extra Information

Referee

Weather

Pitch

Billy Bludgeon

Rainy

Muddy Pitch