Match Report

	(5) 11	-	(0) 0
Real Elstree				TwoMinuteWarning
Division Pos:10				Division Pos:5

Goal Scorers
Bjorn Free 5, 12, 82 (pen), 88 Ariel Hassle 27, 34, 66 Casey Needzit 42, 73 Andy Gravity 50 Hayden Seek 58

Match Statistics

4 5 1 Attacking	Formation	4 5 1 Attacking
68	Possession	32
20	Shots	5
6	Fouls	11
0	Yellow Cards	1
0	Red Cards	0
5	Offsides	1
Continental	Style	Longball
Attacking	Instruction	Defensive
Pansy	Aggression	Pansy
Blades	Boots	Moulded

Player Ratings

1	P.Zaria		90
2	B.Dwyer		90
3	B.Cherry		90
4	J.Czarfunee		88
5	B.Ender		46
6	H.Seek		87
7	A.Hassle		48
8	A.Gravity	(90)	63
9	C.Needzit		88
10	L.DeHand		46
11	B.Free		89
12	M.DeLawn		0
13	B.Ender		0
14	F.Furter		0
15	S.Cola	(90)	47
16	L.DeHand		0

1	K.Cook		70
2	P.Zaria		61
3	C.Mass	(90)	61
4	L.DeHand		73
5	O.Whackew		68
6	S.Urai		74
7	D.Lect		72
8	A.Choke		68
9	F.Furter	(90)	61
10	E.Jewcation		44
11	W.Bago		79
12	S.Urai	(90)	57
13	J.Strap		0
14	M.Rohsopht		0
15	C.Arm		0
16	P.Pantz		0


Time	Person	Description
5 mins	Bjorn Free	with a dink right on the goal line
12 mins	Bjorn Free	with a brave flying header
19 mins	Ariel Hassle	scuffed a penalty
27 mins	Ariel Hassle	after a lovely one-two cut the defence in half
34 mins	Ariel Hassle	with a powerful header into the top corner
42 mins	Casey Needzit	with a stunning effort that went in off the post
50 mins	Andy Gravity	with an amazing lob from an acute angle
58 mins	Hayden Seek	with a massive strike that gave the keeper no chance
66 mins	Ariel Hassle	with a flick on
73 mins	Casey Needzit	with a massive strike that gave the keeper no chance
82 mins	Bjorn Free	after ref awarded a penalty
88 mins	Bjorn Free	with a brave flying header
90 mins	Frank Furter	A mild concussion
90 mins	Chris Mass	No apparent reason
90 mins	Andy Gravity	A broken arm

Match Report

TwoMinuteWarning will just want to go home and forget this astonishing 11 - 0 thumping by a Real Elstree side who just don't know when to stop. Maybe they could have spared their blushes if they just stayed at home in the first place.
Colin Jones would be as well giving his squad singing lessons for all the good the Weights training seems to be doing them.
Peter Pantz was absent because he'd just had Sky installed and couldn't tear himself away from a fascinating documentary about whale sex.
With 10 other players on the field it's hard to credit that one man can lose a game on his own. TwoMinuteWarning's keeper is turning losing matches for his side into an art form.
The TwoMinuteWarning forward line is no Arsenal. And no arsenal; they lack any reserves of firepower whatsoever.
Real Elstree's Andy Gravity cried like a baby when it was discovered he would be out for 8 weeks thanks to a broken arm.
With results like this, local trophy cabinet makers have begun to contact Real Elstree and offer estimates for the extra large special.
If two Greeks were watching a game this bad they'd have difficulty in understanding why TwoMinuteWarning took such a beating. It would have been all English to them.

Extra Information

Referee

Weather

Pitch

Billy Bludgeon

Snowy

Muddy Pitch