Match Report

	(0) 0	-	(4) 8
Parma Violets				Ilford Caledonians
Rank:290				Rank:35

Goal Scorers
		Geoffrey Blake* 10, 45 Mark Moorer 22 Peter Dobson 35, 66 (pen) Mark Adams 55 Joel Osment 75 (pen) Nigel Lees 85

Match Statistics

1 8 1	Formation	2 5 3
34	Possession	66
8	Shots	18
15	Fouls	12
1	Yellow Cards	0
0	Red Cards	0
1	Offsides	2
Use Wings	Style	Continental
Attacking	Instruction	Defensive
Normal	Aggression	Nutter
Moulded	Boots	Astros

Player Ratings

1	A.Choke		77
2	X.Breath	(50)	51
3	B.Tagg	(1)	45
4	A.Tricity		84
5	M.Skeeto		83
6	A.Structible		85
7	M.Labor		0
8	H.Seek		83
9	B.Weiser	(62)	79
10	R.Meeblind		83
11	S.Dup	(1)	45
12	H.Fire	(50)	62
13	H.Fire		0
14	S.Manilla		0
15	B.Board	(1)	85
16	B.Tagg	(1)	84

1	K.Ward		87
2	J.Gillin	(1)	80
3	M.Williamson		89
4	N.Lees		89
5	J.Osment		89
6	M.Adams		88
7	P.Williams		88
8	A.Omilami	(1)	45
9	P.Dobson		87
10	G.Blake*		87
11	M.Jace	(1)	79
12	D.Cavett		0
13	T.Hanks	(1)	87
14	G.Sinese	(1)	89
15	M.Moorer	(1)	88
16	M.Rebenkoff		0


Time	Person	Description
1 mins	Ilford Caledonians	changed from Defensive to Counter Attack
10 mins	Geoffrey Blake*	from the dressing room
15 mins	Ilford Caledonians	changed from Counter Attack to Defensive
15 mins	Parma Violets	changed from Attacking to Counter Attack
22 mins	Mark Moorer	with a great volley from 10 yards out
35 mins	Peter Dobson	after a pigeon distracted the keeper
45 mins	Ilford Caledonians	changed from Defensive to Counter Attack
45 mins	Parma Violets	changed from Counter Attack to Attacking
45 mins	Geoffrey Blake*	after he went through a non-existent gap leaving him with a clear shot
50 mins	Xavier Breath	A mild concussion
55 mins	Mark Adams	after a pigeon distracted the keeper
62 mins	10. Lorenzo	Being drunk
66 mins	Peter Dobson	after ref awarded a penalty
75 mins	Ilford Caledonians	changed from Counter Attack to Attacking
75 mins	Parma Violets	changed from Attacking to Defensive
75 mins	Joel Osment	after ref awarded a penalty
85 mins	Nigel Lees	with a strike from the left wing

Match Report

If this game lasted any longer than 90 minutes Ilford Caledonians's goal tally would have resembled a phone number. Parma Violets are thanking their stars it was only 8 - 0.
After a good session at the Nice rest the Ilford Caledonians performance was credit to manager Adam Hill's commitment.
To say that Parma Violets played football would be stretching the point a little far seeing as they barely saw a ball all match.
With a performance like this, Parma Violets's Artie Choke gives crap keepers everywhere a good name.
Parma Violets's defence is like a bad fisherman. Down the river, too slow to catch anything and keeps forgetting the tackle.
The animals went into the ark two by two for a very good reason, if there's an explanation why Parma Violets go out in 1 8 1 formation we're still looking for it.
One Parma Violets fan grumbling about his team's current manager said "Even my gran could create a less badly knit unit than him!"
After his shocking performance, Parma Violets's goalie Artie Choke admitted he could kick himself for the mistakes he made. His manager told him not to bother, he'd only miss.

Extra Information

Referee

Weather

Pitch

Wilmot Piddlethwaite

Hot

Hard Pitch