Match Report

	(12) 22	-	(1) 2
United Cats				States United
Rank:178				Rank:227

Goal Scorers
Xavier Breath 3, 10, 17, 20, 31, 34, 42, 56, 64, 68, 82 Hayden Seek 6 Dick Tater 13 Ed Ible 24, 27, 39 Abbie Birthday 49 (pen), 52 (pen), 71, 79 (pen), 86 (pen), 90 (pen)		Sam Pull 19 Leo Tarred 73

Match Statistics

4 5 1	Formation	4 4 2
67	Possession	33
22	Shots	9
7	Fouls	11
1	Yellow Cards	1
0	Red Cards	0
4	Offsides	2
Passing	Style	Longball
Counter Attack	Instruction	Counter Attack
Normal	Aggression	Pansy
Moulded	Boots	Moulded

Player Ratings

1	B.Frapples		88
2	L.Nover		86
3	B.Arrow	(1)	54
4	W.Deer		86
5	M.Absent		72
6	H.Seek		90
7	A.Kaholic	(1)	53
8	E.Ible	(90)	91
9	A.Birthday		87
10	S.Freak	(1)	45
11	X.Breath		83
12	L.Lyde	(1)	77
13	D.Tater	(1)	87
14	A.Abet	(1)	63
15	B.Board		0
16	J.Nasium		0

1	H.Annsaw		45
2	A.Structible		44
3	B.Cherry		0
4	D.Tater	(75)	44
5	E.Whatarmy		0
6	M.DeLawn	(75)	44
7	K.Opener		46
8	A.Tricity	(45)	43
9	C.Mass	(83)	45
10	S.Pull		81
11	W.Dipoo		85
12	J.Credible	(75)	45
13	D.Pipes	(75)	44
14	L.Tarred	(45)	62
15	D.Sore		0
16	A.Hugnkiss		0


Time	Person	Description
1 mins	United Cats	changed from Counter Attack to Defensive
3 mins	Xavier Breath	with a powerful header into the top corner
6 mins	Hayden Seek	after a pigeon distracted the keeper
10 mins	Xavier Breath	with a belter from the halfway line
13 mins	Dick Tater	after he went through a non-existent gap leaving him with a clear shot
17 mins	Xavier Breath	with a strike from the left wing
19 mins	Sam Pull	with a wonderful chip from 30 yards out
20 mins	Xavier Breath	with a great chip from the left wing
24 mins	Ed Ible	after he went through a non-existent gap leaving him with a clear shot
27 mins	Ed Ible	with a flick on
31 mins	Xavier Breath	with a great volley from 10 yards out
34 mins	Xavier Breath	from the dressing room
39 mins	Ed Ible	with an amazing lob from an acute angle
42 mins	Xavier Breath	with pin-point accuracy into the far corner
45 mins	United Cats	changed from Defensive to Attacking
45 mins	Alec Tricity	A bruised shoulder
49 mins	Abbie Birthday	after ref awarded a penalty
52 mins	Abbie Birthday	after ref awarded a penalty
52 mins	Moe DeLawn	scuffed a penalty
56 mins	Lance Lyde	A mild concussion
56 mins	Xavier Breath	with an amazing lob from an acute angle
64 mins	Xavier Breath	after a pigeon distracted the keeper
68 mins	Xavier Breath	with a wonderful chip from 30 yards out
71 mins	Abbie Birthday	after a pigeon distracted the keeper
73 mins	Leo Tarred	with a lucky rebound off the keeper
75 mins	States United	changed from Pansy to Nutter
75 mins	States United	changed from Counter Attack to Attacking
75 mins	States United	changed from 4 4 2 to 4 3 3 Attacking
75 mins	United Cats	changed from Attacking to Defensive
79 mins	Abbie Birthday	after ref awarded a penalty
82 mins	Xavier Breath	with a cheeky dink through the keeper's legs
83 mins	Chris Mass	Two-footed tackle
83 mins	Marcus Absent	A broken arm
86 mins	Abbie Birthday	after ref awarded a penalty
90 mins	Ed Ible	Dangerous tackling
90 mins	Abbie Birthday	after ref awarded a penalty

Match Report

United Cats were very good value for this 22 - 2 massacre. At times it looked like they were the only team on the pitch. Unlike States United who couldn't even manage to play with themselves.
Does States United manager Bill Price know what the clubs training facilities even looks like? Judging by States United's clueless display we'd guess not.
Buster Cherry failed to show for States United after a night on the town. He woke up with the mother of all hangovers and spent the afternoon blowing chunks while clinging to his toilet bowl like his life depended on it.
The only hope States United have of turning goalie Huang Annsaw into a decent keeper is to feed him pies non-stop and hope he puts on enough weight to wedge himself between the posts.
United Cats applauded their defenders off the pitch after a performance Moore, Butcher and Adams would have been proud of.
United Cats look about as convinving playing in the 4 5 1 formation as they would if boss Hap Hazard sent them out in dresses.
"Our performance was not acceptable," admitted States United boss Bill Price. "The result has left us pointless today. come to think of it, we're pointless most of the time. This result is just deja vu all over again."
United Cats are a side who don't know when to stop. Not so much King Canute, more Old King Goals. He was a merry old soul too.

Extra Information

Referee

Weather

Pitch

Albert Boneshaker

Hot

Hard Pitch