Match Report

	(0) 0	-	(8) 21
Parkers Plonkers				The Tacticians

Goal Scorers
		Georgi Kinkladze 7, 50 Steven Gerrard 12 Teddy Sheringham 17, 23, 29 (pen), 43 (pen), 46, 66, 69 (pen), 77 (pen), 80, 84, 86 (pen) Dennis Bergkamp 33, 38, 59, 62, 73, 90 Nick Ovtime 54 (og)

Match Statistics

3 5 2	Formation	3 5 2
38	Possession	62
12	Shots	21
16	Fouls	8
4	Yellow Cards	1
4	Red Cards	0
6	Offsides	9
Continental	Style	Passing
Attacking	Instruction	Defensive
Nutter	Aggression	Pansy
Astros	Boots	Moulded

Player Ratings

1	B.Nessround		80
2	L.Tarred	(54)	45
3	N.Ovtime		65
4	D.Pipes		69
5	L.Briccant	(82)	45
6	R.Ingleaves	(21,60)	72
7	L.Stooth		83
8	H.Annsaw		81
9	L.Lyde	(32)	56
10	D.Geruss	(51,71)	66
11	B.Free	(9,42)	71
12	X.Money		0
13	L.Sirr		0
14	H.First		0
15	B.Dover	(54)	77
16	W.Maykit		0

1	A.Manninger		90
2	F.Lampard	(1)	54
3	R.Carvalho	(1)	89
4	A.Cole		90
5	D.Beckham		88
6	G.Kinkladze		88
7	S.Gerrard		89
8	J.Okocha		87
9	R.Giggs		88
10	N.Vidic	(1)	71
11	T.Sheringham		93
12	P.Cech		0
13	G.Neville	(1) (54)	89
14	D.Bergkamp	(1)	88
15	G.Zola		0
16	M.Desailly	(1)	88


Time	Person	Description
1 mins	The Tacticians	changed from Defensive to Attacking
7 mins	Georgi Kinkladze	with a massive strike that gave the keeper no chance
9 mins	Bjorn Free	Obstruction
12 mins	Steven Gerrard	from a goal kick
17 mins	Teddy Sheringham	with a powerful header into the top corner
21 mins	Russell Ingleaves	Scrapping
23 mins	Teddy Sheringham	with a scissor kick on the edge of the box
29 mins	Teddy Sheringham	after ref awarded a penalty
30 mins	The Tacticians	changed from Attacking to Counter Attack
32 mins	Lance Lyde	Being drunk
33 mins	Dennis Bergkamp	with an unbelievable shot from his own penalty area
38 mins	Dennis Bergkamp	with a belter from his own half
42 mins	Bjorn Free	Repeated fouling
43 mins	Teddy Sheringham	after ref awarded a penalty
46 mins	Teddy Sheringham	after he went through a non-existent gap leaving him with a clear shot
50 mins	Georgi Kinkladze	with a spectacular bicycle kick
51 mins	Dan Geruss	No apparent reason
54 mins	Gary Neville	Shirt pulling
54 mins	Leo Tarred	A broken thumb
54 mins	Nick Ovtime	with a shot which hit a defender on the way in
59 mins	Dennis Bergkamp	with a dink right on the goal line
60 mins	The Tacticians	changed from Counter Attack to Attacking
60 mins	Russell Ingleaves	Spitting
62 mins	Dennis Bergkamp	with an amazing lob from an acute angle
66 mins	Teddy Sheringham	with a massive strike that gave the keeper no chance
69 mins	Teddy Sheringham	after ref awarded a penalty
71 mins	Dan Geruss	Scrapping
73 mins	Dennis Bergkamp	after he went through a non-existent gap leaving him with a clear shot
77 mins	Teddy Sheringham	after ref awarded a penalty
80 mins	Teddy Sheringham	from the dressing room
82 mins	Lou Briccant	Faking injury
84 mins	Teddy Sheringham	with an amazing lob from an acute angle
86 mins	Teddy Sheringham	after ref awarded a penalty
90 mins	Dennis Bergkamp	after a lovely one-two cut the defence in half

Match Report

The Tacticians absolutely wiped the floor with Parkers Plonkers in a mismatch of epic proportions. Bagging in 21 goals, The Tacticians should pick on someone their own size next time.
Tom Parker would be more suited to training dogs, He's taught this team just roll over, play dead and start begging from the kick off.
Like an unseen episode of The Keystone Cops, chaos reigned in the Parkers Plonkers penalty area with Nick Ovtime being the unlucky player who had to watch in horror as the ball bumbled into his own net after he waved a wild leg in its direction.
After today Tom Parker cannot defend his team. And neither, obviously, could his defence.
Parkers Plonkers player Lance Lyde's had his knuckle duster, catapult and popgun confiscated by the referee before the game, so it was no surprise when he was sent off.
Sure the Brazillian squad could make the 3 5 2 formation look impressive, Parkers Plonkers however make it look very ordinary.
"We really gambled all our eggs out there today," a relieved The Rhino told reporters after the match. "I knew though that I had a fresh pair of legs up my sleeve should I need them."
So what went wrong for Parkers Plonkers? Apart from not being able to defend, being ineffectual in attack and non-existent in midfield hardly anything.

Extra Information

Referee

Weather

Pitch

Butch Gravelneck

Hot

Normal Pitch