Match Report

	(0) 1	-	(12) 24
Uravinalaf				Betty Swollocks XI
Division Pos:15				Division Pos:6

Goal Scorers
Bill Board 76 (pen)		Cozy Dunt 4, 19, 35, 69, 80 Dudley Dell 7, 16 (pen), 23, 49, 57 (pen), 76, 87 Shiloh Pitt 12, 38, 42, 45, 53, 61, 73, 90 Billy Sastard 27 Neil Fackered 31, 83 Samson Night 64 (og)

Match Statistics

2 3 2 1 2	Formation	5 2 3 Attacking
30	Possession	70
9	Shots	24
7	Fouls	11
1	Yellow Cards	1
0	Red Cards	0
1	Offsides	2
Passing	Style	Longball
Attacking	Instruction	Counter Attack
Pansy	Aggression	Nutter
Astros	Boots	Blades

Player Ratings

1	D.Sore		45
2	L.Lyde	(90)	45
3	S.Night		66
4	C.Arm		70
5	A.Abet		51
6	L.Nover		0
7	J.Nasium		82
8	J.King		82
9	W.Leggrowbach		45
10	A.Gator		68
11	C.Needzit	(45)	55
12	L.Stooth		0
13	A.Bomb		0
14	M.Labor		0
15	L.Stooth		0
16	B.Board	(45)	88

1	M.Foron		88
2	B.Hum		86
3	G.Hit		85
4	B.Sastard		75
5	S.Smit		89
6	B.Gastard		88
7	M.Passive		88
8	N.Fackered		88
9	S.Pitt		93
10	C.Dunt	(45)	92
11	D.Dell		94
12	B.Sugger		0
13	B.Hollocks		0
14	C.Stunt		0
15	B.Fig		0
16	F.Pucker		0


Time	Person	Description
4 mins	Cozy Dunt	with a cheeky dink through the keeper's legs
7 mins	Dudley Dell	with a subtle shot from just inside the penalty area
12 mins	Shiloh Pitt	after he went through a non-existent gap leaving him with a clear shot
16 mins	Dudley Dell	after ref awarded a penalty
19 mins	Cozy Dunt	with a great chip from the left wing
23 mins	Dudley Dell	with a wonderful chip from 30 yards out
27 mins	Billy Sastard	with a lucky rebound off the keeper
31 mins	Neil Fackered	with an amazing lob from an acute angle
35 mins	Cozy Dunt	with a header from the penalty area
38 mins	Shiloh Pitt	from the dressing room
42 mins	Shiloh Pitt	with a massive strike that gave the keeper no chance
45 mins	Cozy Dunt	High kicking
45 mins	Casey Needzit	A painful back injury
45 mins	Shiloh Pitt	with a stunning effort that went in off the post
49 mins	Dudley Dell	with a dink right under the goalkeeper's nose
53 mins	Shiloh Pitt	with a brave flying header
57 mins	Dudley Dell	after ref awarded a penalty
61 mins	Shiloh Pitt	with the hand of God
64 mins	Samson Night	with a shot which hit a defender on the way in
69 mins	Cozy Dunt	with a lucky shot that just sneaked inside the post
73 mins	Shiloh Pitt	after a pigeon distracted the keeper
76 mins	Bill Board	after ref awarded a penalty
76 mins	Dudley Dell	with a massive strike that gave the keeper no chance
80 mins	Cozy Dunt	with a dink right on the goal line
83 mins	Neil Fackered	with a great chip from the left wing
87 mins	Dudley Dell	with a subtle shot from just inside the penalty area
90 mins	Lance Lyde	Head butting
90 mins	Shiloh Pitt	with a cheeky dink through the keeper's legs

Match Report

This dizzying 24 - 1 display of goal scoring from Betty Swollocks XI saw the net bulged time and again as a helpless Uravinalaf were reduced to mere spectators.
Tactics? It doesn't look as though Uravinalaf boss Dave Lanning could even manage three Shredded Wheat at the moment.
Lee Nover completely forgot he was supposed to be playing football. He spent the morning with that feeling that he'd forgotten to do something… which of course he had.
Uravinalaf's keeper Dinah Sore is one of those goalies whose mere presence strikes fear into teams. Unfortunately, it's his own team who are trembling.
Betty Swollocks XI's midfield were more than midfield generals. They were Imperial Warlords and blew their opposite numbers off the park.
With a painful back injury, Casey Needzit's reputation as 'sicknote' climbed to new heights. He's out for 12 weeks.
"The thing about this game," offered boss Dave Lanning, "is even when you're dead, you must never allow yourself just to lie down and be buried. Judging by that performance, we brought our own spades."
Uravinalaf call themselves a football team? They might call themselves one, after a display like this no one else is in a hurry to.

Extra Information

Referee

Weather

Pitch

Wilmot Piddlethwaite

Snowy

Frozen Pitch