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MATCH REPORT
Sat, 6 Dec 2025 (Day: 27/47)
Credit Balance = 0
The Division Sat, 29 Nov 2025
 
(2) 4 - (9) 16
We Play Like Girls   JuniorHoops
Division Pos:14
  Division Pos:2
 
Goal Scorers
Player Name 9317 13, 32
Player Name 9316 49
Player Name 9318 83  
Stan Dup 5, 15, 64, 68
Manuel Labor 10, 45, 59
Bud Weiser 20 (pen), 78 (pen)
Al Luminum 25, 49
Player Name 9303 29 (og)
Moe Skeeto 34, 39
Justin Credible 73
Joe King 82  
 
Match Statistics
4 5 1Formation1 4 5
62Possession38
15Shots16
9Fouls11
2Yellow Cards1
0Red Cards0
7Offsides6
ContinentalStyleLongball
Counter AttackInstructionAttacking
NormalAggressionPansy
StuddedBootsMoulded
 
Player Ratings
1P.Name 93020
2P.Name 9303 (70)57
3P.Name 9306 (35)60
4P.Name 930769
5P.Name 931145
6P.Name 931357
7P.Name 931660
8P.Name 931762
9P.Name 931848
10P.Name 931062
11P.Name 931445
12P.Name 93120
13P.Name 93040
14P.Name 93010
15P.Name 93150
16P.Name 93090
1B.Weiser81
2J.King87
3S.Dup86
4R.Sance89
5J.Credible80
6D.Geruss (55)66
7M.Skeeto43
8E.Roids83
9A.Luminum84
10M.Labor63
11S.Dup83
12B.Frapples0
13W.Maykit0
14D.Pipes0
15B.Dover0
16E.Roids0
 
Time   Person Description
 5 minsStan Dupwith a dink right under the goalkeeper's nose
 10 minsManuel Laborafter he beat the offside trap and went one-on-one with the keeper
 13 minsPlayer Name 9317with a brave flying header
 15 minsStan Dupfrom a goal kick
 20 minsBud Weiserafter ref awarded a penalty
 25 minsAl Luminumwith a powerful header into the top corner
 29 minsPlayer Name 9303with an own goal from a goal mouth fumble
 32 minsPlayer Name 9317from a goal kick
 34 minsMoe Skeetowith a spectacular bicycle kick
 35 minsPlayer Name 9306High kicking
 39 minsMoe Skeetoafter the referee over-ruled the linesman when blatantly 30 yards offside
 45 minsManuel Laborwith a shot which ricocheted in off the crossbar
 49 minsPlayer Name 9316with the hand of God
 49 minsAl Luminumwith the bumcheek of God
 55 minsDan GerussObstruction
 55 minsBud Weiserscuffed a penalty
 59 minsManuel Laborwith a subtle shot from just inside the penalty area
 64 minsStan Dupwith a header from the penalty area
 68 minsStan Dupwith an amazing lob from an acute angle
 70 minsPlayer Name 9303Unsporting behaviour
 73 minsJustin Crediblewith a unstoppable effort from 20 yards out
 78 minsBud Weiserafter ref awarded a penalty
 82 minsJoe Kingwith a flick on
 83 minsPlayer Name 9318with a lucky shot that just sneaked inside the post
 87 minsBud Weiserscuffed a penalty
 
 
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Match Report
With a result looking more like tennis score, We Play Like Girls were clearly dazzled by JuniorHoops during this humbling 16 - 4. It would explain why they looked little more than rabbits caught in headlights for 90 minutes.
If he leads by example then We Play Like Girls manager Duncan Parker must be a born loser. Back to the white board.
Emma Roids was absent because he'd just had Sky installed and couldn't tear himself away from a fascinating documentary about whale sex.
Quite how We Play Like Girls's Player Name 9303 got as confused as he did about which was his team was playing is anyone's guess. He left nothing to chance when he blasted the ball past his own keeper.
What a performance by JuniorHoops's strikers! They struck more fear into the opposition than a pantomime baddy. They're in behind you!
We Play Like Girls look about as convinving playing in the 4 5 1 formation as they would if boss Duncan Parker sent them out in dresses.
"It wouldn't have taken much extra for to have won," bawled Duncan Parker after being outwitted by JuniorHoops's manager. "We didn't underestimate them, they were just a lot better than we thought."
Losing 16 - 4 has to be a low point for We Play Like Girls. Maybe it'll act as a wake-up call. Judging by this performance though they're very heavy sleepers.
 
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