Match Report

	(2) 6	-	(9) 19
Tankerton				snaz owls fc
Division Pos:16				Division Pos:1

Goal Scorers
Harry Kane 14, 26 Darren Reed 50 (pen), 89 Alf Abet 63 (og) Luka Modric 76		Walter Melon 5, 15, 27, 36, 45, 57, 61, 68, 71 Harrison Fire 10, 52 Alf Abet 21, 89 Leo Tarred 32 Brighton Early 41 Ariel Hassle 65 Warren Piece 75 Ulee Daway 79 (pen) Ashley Cole 83 (og)

Match Statistics

5 3 2	Formation	5 2 3 Attacking
45	Possession	55
11	Shots	19
19	Fouls	6
2	Yellow Cards	2
2	Red Cards	0
3	Offsides	2
Passing	Style	Continental
Counter Attack	Instruction	Defensive
Normal	Aggression	Pansy
Studded	Boots	Moulded

Player Ratings

1	A.Becker		0
2	K.Walker		62
3	V.Van Dijk	(18)	46
4	J.Terry	(57,80)	34
5	S.Ramos	(61)	48
6	A.Cole		60
7	L.Modric		42
8	D.Reed		40
9	S.Gerrard		55
10	D.Reed		52
11	H.Kane	(36)	52
12	A.Iniesta	(61)	39
13	M.Salah		0
14	J.Hart		0
15	G.Neville		0
16	P.Crouch		0

1	U.Daway		82
2	J.Credible		82
3	A.Hassle		89
4	L.Tarred	(61)	79
5	A.Abet		84
6	C.Arm		71
7	X.Breath	(80)	67
8	B.Early		81
9	H.Fire		80
10	W.Piece	(57)	79
11	W.Melon		45
12	S.Cola	(80)	80
13	H.Fire		0
14	E.Whatarmy		0
15	R.Kleiner		0
16	H.First		0


Time	Person	Description
5 mins	Walter Melon	with a spectacular bicycle kick
10 mins	Harrison Fire	with a dink right under the goalkeeper's nose
14 mins	Harry Kane	with an amazing lob from an acute angle
15 mins	Walter Melon	from a corner
18 mins	Virgil Van Dijk	Fighting with fans
21 mins	Alf Abet	with a stunning effort that went in off the post
26 mins	Harry Kane	with a great volley from 10 yards out
27 mins	Walter Melon	with a lucky shot that just sneaked inside the post
32 mins	Leo Tarred	with a belter from his own half
36 mins	Harry Kane	Being drunk
36 mins	Walter Melon	after a lovely one-two cut the defence in half
38 mins	Darren Reed	scuffed a penalty
41 mins	Brighton Early	after a pigeon distracted the keeper
45 mins	Walter Melon	with a lovely move from the right wing
49 mins	Ulee Daway	blasted a penalty into row z
50 mins	Darren Reed	after ref awarded a penalty
52 mins	Harrison Fire	with a header from the penalty area
57 mins	John Terry	Head butting
57 mins	Warren Piece	Head butting
57 mins	Walter Melon	from the dressing room
61 mins	Leo Tarred	Spitting
61 mins	Sergio Ramos	A painful back injury
61 mins	Walter Melon	with a great volley from 10 yards out
63 mins	Alf Abet	after a shot took a cruel deflection off him
65 mins	Ariel Hassle	with pin-point accuracy into the far corner
68 mins	Walter Melon	from a corner
71 mins	Walter Melon	after a lovely one-two cut the defence in half
75 mins	Warren Piece	with a great volley from 10 yards out
76 mins	Luka Modric	with a subtle shot from just inside the penalty area
79 mins	Ulee Daway	after ref awarded a penalty
80 mins	John Terry	Head butting
80 mins	Xavier Breath	A mild concussion
83 mins	Ashley Cole	with an own goal
86 mins	Ulee Daway	blasted a penalty into row z
89 mins	Darren Reed	with a lovely move from the right wing
89 mins	Alf Abet	with a subtle shot from just inside the penalty area

Match Report

Carnage. snaz owls fc annihilated Tankerton 19 - 6.
The team's performance is credit to the snaz owls fc manager michael pearce and his decision to send his team Curry night.
Alisson Becker was absent because he'd just had Sky installed and couldn't tear himself away from a fascinating documentary about whale sex.
Where did Tankerton get this goalie? It would appear that he's broken. They should take him back and ask for a refund.
Crop circle investigators don't get too excited, it's just snaz owls fc's forwards. They ran rings around Tankerton's defence.
Tankerton player Harry Kane found himself in the ref's notebook yet again - he has more cards than Clinton's.
John Terry and Warren Piece were both shown the yellow card when they decided to settle an argument with their heads.
Sergio Ramos was going down so often you'd think he was making a blue movie. After leaving the game nursing a painful back injury it was announced he'll be out for the next 12 weeks.
"We were robbed," insisted an agitated Danny Reed after the defeat. "I'll be seeing their manager michael pearce in court and I want those points back."
It's not so much a yardstick that Tankerton provide for others to gauge their performance, it's more of a floor mop that the opposition use to clean up with.

Extra Information

Referee

Weather

Pitch

Albert Boneshaker

Windy

Soft Pitch