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MATCH REPORT
Thu, 29 Jan 2026 (Day: 34/47)
Credit Balance = 0
The Division Mon, 29 Dec 2025
 
(8) 16 - (0) 3
Melchester Rovers FC   FC NY Arrow
Division Pos:14
  Division Pos:9
 
Goal Scorers
Chris C.L.R. Mass 5, 10, 23 (pen), 35, 44, 48, 57, 62, 74, 86 (pen)
Samson C.L.R Night 14
Roy R.Race 31, 39, 80
Amanda C.L.R Hugg 52
Huang C. Annsaw 68  
Mort Maxx 46
Edd Diddel 68
Manolo Maxx 85  
 
Match Statistics
4 3 3Formation4 4 2 Attacking
41Possession59
16Shots15
13Fouls3
2Yellow Cards1
1Red Cards0
2Offsides4
PassingStyleLongball
DefensiveInstructionAttacking
NormalAggressionNormal
StuddedBootsAstros
 
Player Ratings
1G.Keeper48
2A.C.L.R Hugg45
3S.C.L.R Knott46
4W.C.L.R Legg48
5S.C.L.R Night (84)45
6A.C.L.R Tricky (28,55)46
7S.C.L.R.Manilla44
8H.C. Annsaw43
9R.R.Race48
10C.C.L.R. Mass46
11T.C.L.R. Urchips0
12S.Keeper0
13M.DeLawn0
14A.C.L.R. Kazz0
15D.C.L.R Lect0
16A.Thetires0
1W.Steele48
2B.Wall (84)45
3C.Domowskivicz0
4E.Diddel (62)44
5B.Earle47
6M.Maxx30
7M.Maxx48
8M.Maxx0
9M.Maxx46
10S.Dup0
11H.Score0
12K.Closer0
13M.Maxx0
14T.Derby0
15M.Maxx (84)44
16J.Strap0
 
Time   Person Description
 5 minsChris C.L.R. Masswith a scissor kick on the edge of the box
 10 minsChris C.L.R. Massafter he sprung the offside trap leaving just the keeper to beat
 14 minsSamson C.L.R Nightafter he beat the offside trap and went one-on-one with the keeper
 23 minsChris C.L.R. Massafter ref awarded a penalty
 27 minsChris C.L.R. Massscuffed a penalty
 28 minsAlec C.L.R TrickyFaking injury
 31 minsRoy R.Raceafter he sprung the offside trap leaving just the keeper to beat
 35 minsChris C.L.R. Masswith a lucky rebound off the keeper
 39 minsRoy R.Racewith the bumcheek of God
 44 minsChris C.L.R. Masswith a rocket from outside the penalty area
 46 minsMort Maxxafter the referee over-ruled the linesman when blatantly 30 yards offside
 48 minsChris C.L.R. Masswith a unstoppable effort from 20 yards out
 52 minsAmanda C.L.R Huggwith a scissor kick on the edge of the box
 55 minsAlec C.L.R TrickyStealing
 57 minsChris C.L.R. Masswith a subtle shot from just inside the penalty area
 62 minsEdd DiddelObstruction
 62 minsChris C.L.R. Masswith a belter from his own half
 68 minsHuang C. Annsawafter he beat the offside trap and went one-on-one with the keeper
 68 minsEdd Diddelfrom a free kick
 74 minsChris C.L.R. Massfrom a free kick
 80 minsRoy R.Racewith the hand of God
 84 minsSamson C.L.R NightShirt pulling
 84 minsBart WallA broken cheek bone
 85 minsManolo Maxxfrom a goal kick
 86 minsChris C.L.R. Massafter ref awarded a penalty
 
 
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Match Report
This dizzying 16 - 3 display of goal scoring from Melchester Rovers FC saw the net bulged time and again as a helpless FC NY Arrow were reduced to mere spectators.
WmJnsn Milton III may have to cancel his Tuesday Pottery class, as giving his team some work on Training Night seems much more important.
FC NY Arrow's Hugh Score made a non-appearance after his mum and dad insisted he went on holiday to Bridlington with them. He was so embarrassed he just went without telling anyone.
With 10 other players on the field it's hard to credit that one man can lose a game on his own. FC NY Arrow's keeper is turning losing matches for his side into an art form.
More defensive than OJ Simpson on court case day, Melchester Rovers FC's defensive game got the verdict over FC NY Arrow's attacking style.
FC NY Arrow look about as convinving playing in the 4 4 2 Attacking formation as they would if boss WmJnsn Milton III sent them out in dresses.
One FC NY Arrow fan grumbling about his team's current manager said "Even my gran could create a less badly knit unit than him!"
If anyone wondered why there were buckets of water on the touchline they need not have looked any further than the 16 - 3 scoreline. Melchester Rovers FC are on fire.
 
Extra Information
 
Referee Weather Pitch
 
Michael McLintock
 
Hot
 
Normal Pitch
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