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MATCH REPORT
Mon, 16 Mar 2026 (Day: 33/47)
Credit Balance = 0
The Division Sun, 15 Mar 2026
 
(1) 3 - (5) 10
We Play Like Girls   Elite Allstars F.C
Division Pos:14
  Division Pos:6
 
Goal Scorers
Manuel Labor 24
Rick Kleiner 47 (pen)
Ken Opener 69  
Midas Well 8, 48
Marcus Absent 15, 23, 32, 41
Brighton Early 56 (pen), 87 (pen)
Midas Well 73
Hugo First 81  
 
Match Statistics
5 4 1Formation4 5 1
30Possession70
8Shots18
8Fouls5
1Yellow Cards1
0Red Cards0
2Offsides4
Use WingsStyleUse Wings
AttackingInstructionCounter Attack
PansyAggressionPansy
MouldedBootsMoulded
 
Player Ratings
1W.Maykit77
2E.Whatarmy69
3B.Early69
4M.Labor71
5W.Piece56
6R.Kleiner65
7X.Breath48
8R.Cranium75
9S.Pitt78
10H.deMann (58)60
11K.Opener72
12S.Manilla0
13J.Czarfunee0
14R.Ingleaves0
15D.Druff0
16M.Labor0
1B.Early87
2B.Weiser85
3J.Case87
4A.Hugnkiss80
5F.Furter68
6S.Pitt70
7M.Well (66)81
8M.Well64
9T.Burr85
10H.First46
11M.Absent91
12D.Pipes0
13B.Ender0
14V.Veeta0
15A.Sapple0
16B.Dover0
 
Time   Person Description
 8 minsMidas Wellfrom a corner
 15 minsMarcus Absentfrom a throw in
 23 minsMarcus Absentafter a lovely one-two cut the defence in half
 24 minsManuel Laborfrom a throw in
 32 minsMarcus Absentwith a dink right under the goalkeeper's nose
 41 minsMarcus Absentwith a belter from the halfway line
 47 minsRick Kleinerafter ref awarded a penalty
 48 minsMidas Wellwith an unbelievable shot from his own penalty area
 56 minsBrighton Earlyafter ref awarded a penalty
 58 minsHugh deMannTime wasting
 65 minsBrighton Earlyblasted a penalty into row z
 66 minsMidas WellHead butting
 69 minsKen Openerwith a little side heel inside the six yard box
 73 minsMidas Wellwith a lucky shot that just sneaked inside the post
 81 minsHugo Firstwith a shot which ricocheted in off the crossbar
 87 minsBrighton Earlyafter ref awarded a penalty
 
 
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Match Report
This isn't how the season was supposed to go. No one chooses to lose, but playing like this they don't look good enough to win. There's usually only one outcome for teams unable to win. Relegation surely beckons.
Dean Pulsford may have to cancel his Tuesday Pottery class, as giving his team some work on Training Night seems much more important.
We Play Like Girls's possession game was so bad they'd fair better if they turned the pitch into a giant pinball machine.
The goalkeeper's trade is a lonely one. We Play Like Girls's Willie Maykit is going to be shunned by his team mates, making him feel especially lonely, after this shocking performance.
We Play Like Girls's team looks like a bread sandwich, nothing in the middle. Their midfield hardly got a kick.
Elite Allstars F.C's Bevan Cordery is clearly deeply in love with 4 5 1. His team however can't stand it. A trial seperation must be in order.
"The thing about this game," offered boss Dean Pulsford, "is even when you're dead, you must never allow yourself just to lie down and be buried. Judging by that performance, we brought our own spades."
As if getting beaten by almost a cricket score wasn't enough for We Play Like Girls to sort their act out, maybe being a laughing stock will.
 
Extra Information
 
Referee Weather Pitch
 
Terrence Frisk
 
Hot
 
Normal Pitch
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