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MATCH REPORT
Fri, 13 Mar 2026 (Day: 30/47)
Credit Balance = 0
The Division Sun, 1 Mar 2026
 
(6) 11 - (2) 4
Newbury   FC Steaua Bucharest
Division Pos:13
  Division Pos:16
 
Goal Scorers
Justin Case 5
Russell Ingleaves 13, 35, 51, 66, 79
Otto Whackew 20
Richard Cranium 27
Sam Manilla 42, 72 (pen)
Tim Burr 57  
Bjorn Free 21, 43, 65
Carl Arm 87  
 
Match Statistics
3 5 2Formation1 8 1
70Possession30
22Shots4
7Fouls7
0Yellow Cards1
0Red Cards0
8Offsides2
Use WingsStyleContinental
AttackingInstructionDefensive
PansyAggressionPansy
MouldedBootsMoulded
 
Player Ratings
1B.Early87
2R.Ingleaves (90)75
3W.Bago79
4F.Furter75
5T.Burr88
6R.Cranium87
7J.Case81
8O.Whackew79
9M.Labor79
10S.Manilla79
11R.Ingleaves83
12R.Ingleaves0
13D.Sore (90)78
14A.Hugnkiss0
15K.Cook0
16V.Crow0
1E.Roids79
2A.Sapple71
3C.Arm79
4B.Nessround74
5H.First (90)52
6C.Needzit81
7S.Pitt67
8B.Free73
9R.Kleiner0
10J.Frayed45
11A.Abet45
12B.Dover0
13M.Labor0
14M.Rohsopht0
15A.Luminum0
16B.Free0
 
Time   Person Description
 5 minsJustin Casewith a cheeky dink through the keeper's legs
 13 minsRussell Ingleaveswith an unbelievable shot from his own penalty area
 20 minsOtto Whackewafter a pigeon distracted the keeper
 21 minsBjorn Freeafter a dog ran on pitch and put the ball into the net
 27 minsRichard Craniumafter a dog ran on pitch and put the ball into the net
 35 minsRussell Ingleaveswith a strike from the left wing
 42 minsSam Manillawith a subtle shot from just inside the penalty area
 43 minsBjorn Freefrom the dressing room
 51 minsRussell Ingleaveswith a brave flying header
 57 minsTim Burrwith the hand of God
 65 minsBjorn Freewith a belter from his own half
 66 minsRussell Ingleaveswith a lucky rebound off the keeper
 72 minsSam Manillaafter ref awarded a penalty
 79 minsRussell Ingleaveswith a scissor kick on the edge of the box
 87 minsCarl Armwith the hand of God
 90 minsHugo FirstRepeated diving
 90 minsRussell IngleavesA mild concussion
 
 
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Match Report
Newbury took the game to FC Steaua Bucharest throughout their 11 - 4 whitewash.
The FC Steaua Bucharest fans were calling for the head of manager Doru Ban after this game. He at least knows where his head is, unlike his arse or elbow.
Bjorn Free missed the game because he'd ordered a pizza the night before and it still hadn't arrived. After waiting for 14 hours, he wasn't going to take the chance of going out and missing it. And he figured he'd probably get a discount too.
FC Steaua Bucharest's keeper, Emma Roids, should have been a comedian. That way he'd give his team mates a good laugh with losing them every game he plays in.
An incredible display by Newbury's midfield. They were like a moron on Mastermind. Pass. Pass. Pass. Pass…
Most of FC Steaua Bucharest clearly thought 1 8 1 was the boss' phone number. Why else did they ignore his formation instructions.
"The one thing I didn't expect is the way we didn't play," offered manager Doru Ban. "We can only point the finger of blame at ourselves."
Newbury played like Greek gods during this magnificent 11 - 4 win. Their manager claimed afterwards that their centaur forward was the key to their victory.
 
Extra Information
 
Referee Weather Pitch
 
Buster Jones Junior
 
Normal
 
Normal Pitch
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